we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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