when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
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