my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
