life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
