hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
