You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize