Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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