The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I have feelings that need drinking.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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