I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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