apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
