In the future we'll all be gay
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
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