well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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