I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
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