How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
