he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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