Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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