i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
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