never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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