Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
