whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
