Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Church boner. Awkwardddd
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I just want nice things and good sex
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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