We won't sleep together?
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
