how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
