apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
