I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
