first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
