The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
