So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
