rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
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