you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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