some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Randomize
