Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
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