Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
