Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
