it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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