just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
