come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Randomize
