grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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