Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Randomize
