My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
White coat. Heels.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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