oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Randomize
