She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
