This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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