dude i'm inner monologue high
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
