My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
