hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
