Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
You may now shotgun with the bride
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Randomize