it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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