i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
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