Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize
