Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
