I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
