yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
