I accidentally had phone sex last night
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
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