That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
