too bad you live with your parents still
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Randomize
