Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
