thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
