is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize