So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
