HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
