READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Randomize
