i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
My ass is underappreciated
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
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