So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize