I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
