I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
My dick has a subreddit
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
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