True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
It's blow job season.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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