I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
how do you play pong handcuffed?
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
