I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
