i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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