He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
