why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
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