We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
