How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
