No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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