does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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