Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
