Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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