You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
