Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Randomize
