I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
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