South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
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