I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
