my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize