my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Michael Bay diarrhea
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
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