hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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