READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize
