I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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