His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Randomize
