I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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