last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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