Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize