the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
