jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
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