I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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