You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
