Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
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