Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
