i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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