well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Randomize
