Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize