fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
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