ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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