Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
