We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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