You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
