He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
