I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
