We won't sleep together?
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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