So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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