So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
honey bunches of taint.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
