her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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