Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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