girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
